Booty Shakin' Risky Business
by Mara93
Summary: It's Risky Business One Tree Hill style. An alternative scene extender for the bachelor/bachelorette party episode. Nathan must deal with a wild stripper, drunk Haley and some...very loud KC and the Sunshine Band. More of the whackiness here...


___**Boot-y Shakin' Risky Business:**____~*A wicked little fairy tale*~_

Disclaimer: Nope…I own none of these characters…Mark Schwan and company do. But they sure are fun to put in stories every once in awhile…even crazy wild fairy tales.

Music in italics by** KC and The Sunshine Band**

This story is a pre-extended scene that I wrote during season 2 before the actual bachelor/bachelorette party episode. I could tell it was going to be funny and every once in a while I like to write something light and crazy really, lol. This definitely turned out completely different from the episode, but it was still fun. And if you're in the mood to read something utterly whacky, that doesn't take itself seriously at all, then here you go.

Mild mature rating for some language and sexual situations

Nathan-Haley tale…of course from Nathan's wild point of view.

**I~*~I**

___Once upon a time there was a boy… named Nathan Scott, our prince…_

___He was happily…oh yeah baby…married to a quiet calm controlled girl… named Haley…James…Scott…his adorable princess. _

___Nathan loved that she was calm and controlled because she kept him in order and kept his life from being chaotic…most of the time anyway. _

___One night though…one crazy wild night…his best friend Tim decided Nathan needed to have a bachelor party. _

___Nathan protested there was really no reason for it since after all…he was already married. _

___But his best friend insisted and his big brother even got in on the act. _

___Meanwhile his wife's friends decided she needed a bachelorette party. _

___Nathan of course protested this too…but lost the battle. His calm controlled wife said…. "Hell yeah I want a crazy night!" _

___She would have her bachelorette party and he would have his bachelor party. _

___Our story begins at Nathan and Haley's apartment…a temptress already trying to damage our sweet husband of the calm controlled girl. ____BAAAAAAADDDDD Temptress!_

**I****I**

___"Are you ready for me Nathan?"_

He shook his head, sighing heavily. _He was going to kill him._ First though he had to get find a way to get rid of...well…whoever the heck she was.

Knowing _HIM_…he probably dialed _991-sexforthedesperate_ to get her.

One _HUGE_ problem with that.

He was not desperate.

He was taken.

Happily taken.

And that person who had taken him was going to be home very soon and if she saw…_uh...welll…that…there_…she was not going to be happy.

Heck…_he_ wasn't happy right now.

He heard…_that_… laugh richly and speak in a seductive voice. "Always wanted to say that…"

He turned around for a second…wishing he hadn't. She was just in her underwear now…seemingly sexy lingerie. He grimaced as he felt her body slinking up against his. ___Great._

He was going to kill him and then kill him again. This was not what he had needed tonight.

Idiot. Why did he do these stupid things? He looked over and saw his cell. He reached for it, trying to ignore the bare thighs that were rubbing against his jean covered legs. Thank goodness he was wearing jeans. He was committed…the reason why he was calling for reinforcements, but he wasn't a mannequin…_wasn't dead_…though someone else was going to be tomorrow.

IDIOT!

___"What you doing Babe…"_

He grimaced more, deep frown lines wrinkling his forehead. "Calling my brother."

"OOOhhh…._kinky threesome_…is that what you are thinking of tonight? I might be willing to go along with that."

He shook his head. ___Damn, he better be there__._

He heard a greeting and quickly cut it off. "Get your ass over here now."

**I****I**

___Okay dear readers…oh that was just awful…let's hope big brother gets there in time to save our sweet innocent Nathan…uh…yeah…anyway…every story must have a beginning. That was not it. _

___**This** is._

******EARLIER******

"Ready Babe?"

She giggled and answered the girl who had just spoken. "Ready!"

He smiled, deceivingly. He was trying to act like this was no big deal. He was cool with it. He wasn't the type to worry. They loved each other. They had a good nice healthy sexual relationship now that they were married. It was…damn good. Many nights…uh…mornings…well…hey…even afternoons she surprised him. Making up for lost time was…hey…damn…a blast. She was HOT…and she looked really hot right now…uh…well…really hot…boiling hot…DAMN…she looked hot.

Why the heck was she looking so hot when she was going out with them? _Huh?_ What was that about?

"Haley…"

She giggled, smiling happily at her two girl pals and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and neck. "Yes…"

He frowned. She was only half paying attention to him. While she was holding onto him she was also giggling with them…Peyton and Brooke…Brooke had an evil grin on her face. What the heck was that evil grin about? A grin from Brooke was never good news. It meant…

___Stay home Baby. We'll have fun here together. Way more fun than you'll have with them. Come on we're married now. Newlyweds shouldn't be separated._

And a bachelorette party should not be happening after marriage had already happened! It was just wrong.

He said nothing though, smiling back at her, making sure with a lift of his finger that her face came back to being directed on his face…his finger pulling her chin back towards his direction…and his mouth delighting in the way she tasted.

He heard catcalls and whistles and totally ignored them. ___Shut up…I'm kissing my wife…go…do…well…anything…____Run out in traffic…climb a tree…rob a bank…I don't care…just let me kiss my wife__._

Oh now come on…Tim and Luke are here too. You're actually going to spend time with both of them…guys night…totally fun…cool…taking in wild movies…playing some games…going out later and bar hopping.

YEAH!

Fun!

___Uh… ____great… ____Damn baby open your mouth more for me…I know you don't like to kiss to wildly in front of others but my tongue loves running against yours._ He nudged at her, finally feeling a smidgen of opening…he leapt in right away…

She giggled…

___Baby please don't giggle now. Come on Haley…hanging out with Tim and Lucas…cool…it's going to be great. And you with Peyton and Brooke…wow…just… _

___Okay let's tell them all to go home so we can have loving hot marital sex._

"Nathan…I have to go!"

___Damn…damn…damn__…_she was pulling away from him.

___No baby…you taste too good. Come back here. Let's tell them they have three seconds to leave. _

___One…mmmm…think of what we can do the moment they're out of here. _

___Two…my hands are getting impatient...you look too damn good. _

___Three…we'll just laugh at they head out the door…slam it shut and go wild together._

"That's right Nate…"

Ohhhhhhh…be quiet Brooke. You ruined the whole mood. Besides I got to three…___why are all you people still here? _

___Go away. Leave me and my wife alone._

"Tonight we are taking our girl out and going to have a WILD time…you may not even know her by the time she gets back!"

He groaned as he felt her pull away from him, but covered it up with a harsh look at Brooke.

___I better know her…you better not think of going too far…this is my wife you're talking about…now why don't you and Peyton go to all the strip bars you want on your own and leave us alone…_

Damn she looked hot in what she was wearing! What was it with her? Ever since they got married his wife had started dressing more sexy than…ooohhhh…swirling shades of pinkish lacy satiny…pink on a top that dipped…sleeveless…and jeans that went so low if she raised her arms you could see that pretty little tattoo of hers.

HA! Take that any stripper guy who saw her and thought she was hot…she's got that 23 above her ass for a reason…___because it's my number…yeah that's right…my wife wears my number because she loves me. So you better watch your hands…your eyes too…she's taken. ____And so am I._

"Watch it Brooke…you better not go anyplace too wild. And watch how much she drinks." He wrapped his arms around his wife from behind…his hands settling just below her breasts. _Yeah…because I can…I can hold her this way because she loves me and I love her. Ha…no stripper guy can hold her like I can…only me because I'm her husband. Uh-huh._ "Hales doesn't do too well with excessive drinking."

Peyton and Brooke rolled their eyes with a giggle. "You sound like a monk Nate!" Brooke put in with a smirk.

Nathan just frowned, looking down at his wife with a look of…protectiveness. He watched as she rolled her eyes and then smiled up at him, giving him a short kiss on the nose. "Stop being such a worry wart. Have fun with Lucas and Tim." She stopped to wave her finger at him. "Only…not too much fun." She called over to his best friend with a stern look. "You hear that Tim…Mr. Party Guy…not too much fun!" She turned to her best friend now. "Watch him Luke!'

Nathan was getting ready to say more…to grab her close for another hot loving kiss…but she had already moved away from him and had linked arms with Brooke and Peyton…the three of them giggling dangerously…wild looks of fun crazy insane impetuous wicked behavior to come…on their faces.

___Watch it Brooke. Watch it Peyton._

She better come back home to me okay.

He heard laughter…watched Tim close the door on their departing figures…her sweet ass in snug jeans…___damn my baby has the sweetest ass.____And all you guys out there better remember that I'm the only one who gets to admire that ass._

"All right! Now the fun begins!"

He nodded his head with a half grin…oh yeah…fun…wheee!

Whoopee.

_Damn…____no whoopee better happen tonight wherever she goes. _

___Damn…damn…damn._

**I****I**

___So now you know where things started…let's go back to our cliffhanging moment…of the…shudder…TEMPTRESS…yeah…whatever…_

**I****I**

HE felt her hands on his shoulder…well at least he was wearing long sleeves.

"Mmmmmm…you sure you're only sixteen?"

_Yeah…so go away._ Sixteen and married…got myself a wife I love…one who's going to be home soon.

Her hand moved to the front of his shirt…over his chest. ___Damn Luke…hurry the heck up!!!!_

I'm standing here with a half naked woman in my apartment and I just want her to leave.

Wanted her to leave…half naked…wanted her to leave…half naked…

___WANTED HER TO LEAVE?!?!??_

Well…

That was love for you…made everything else a poor imitation.

Damn nothing could be as hot as his…

He turned to barely dressed stripper woman now. "Look…"

Nathan grimaced. Why was she only wearing THAT?" He half covered his eyes. "I'm married and my wife's going to be home any minute. I don't know what my friend told you, but…"

She laughed. "Your friend told me tonight was your bachelor party…that I was your last little bit of temptation before you…tied yourself down."

IDIOT! He was going to kill him…he was going to kill him. How could anyone be so damn…ahhhhhh…stupid at times?

He was dense…and stubborn…just like Brooke…so totally unwilling to accept that they were married now…that she didn't need a bachelorette party…of course she hadn't protested…he hadn't protested. Brooke and Peyton you better bring her home safe. And best friend of mine…you are such an…

IDIOT!

Get it straight…I love her and don't need any sick little temptation…especially temptation that is so damn obvious.

Damn!

"Well he was wrong. I'm married NOW…and uh…well…" She was moving her lips near his neck.

___No…don't do that. Stop that. Leave me the heck alone._

When all of the sudden the unlocked door opened…

The person on the other side gasped.

"WHOA! What's going on here?"

**I****I**

___Back to our sweet boy enjoying…well maybe not really enjoying…but participating…uh…sort of…okay our sweet boy groaning and moaning at a bachelor party he really is not enjoying all that much. That's better._

**I****I**

He grimaced as they continued to call out to the TV with annoying boyish excitement that was almost downright embarrassing.

"Ohhhh…oh yeah baby…"

"Damn take it off…oh yeah…that's it…"

"Whoa...didn't even know that position was possible…."

"Must be a gymnast…"

"Or a contortionist…"

Oh shut up. What the heck…he chanced a look at the screen and quickly looked away. This was supposed to be FUN? ___Oh now come on…you used to like this kind of stuff…you'd drink your beer and just laugh your head off at it all…hoot and holler just like them._

Yeah…but that was before she became _my wonderland_…her body..._mmmmm_…little screen sex goddess had nothing on his wife.

He had the real thing…and right now she was out with two wild girls at some strip bar…___Arrgggggggghhhh!_

His beer found his mouth and he took a long chug. Don't want to think of my baby that way. Don't want to watch this movie…ohhhhh…

"Hehe…oh yeah…uh-huh…that's how I like it…yeah…"

He shook his head at the sounds from his best friend…and his brother…_his brother?_ So much for him being the good clean one. The guy was sounding like he desperately needed some.

"Whoa…man Tim…this is a good movie…ha-ha!"

"Yeah Luke…this is so cool…this is the way to be, right, Nate Bud!"

Nathan groaned as his brother and best friend twisted their heads to the sides to get a better of view of…

His forehead crinkled, his eyebrows rising and he too moved his head to the side before sighing. _This was just stupid!_ He looked away again with annoyance as their loud laughter and obnoxious remarks continued.

Ohhhhh…what a night…

**I****I**

_Okay…who was that at the door…who do you think it could be…well…dear reader…getting anxious…going to go past this and not even read it…going to try… _

_**HEY!**_

_I'm not done yet…I'm trying to hold you in suspense here…okaaaaay…go ahead and find out who was at the door. _

_Back to the wild moment with the temptress and someone at the door. _

_Who could be at the door? _

_It was…………_

**I****I**

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING NATHAN…IF HALEY SAW THIS…I SWEAR…I'VE GOT HALF A MIND TO PUNCH YOU OUT RIGHT NOW…IF YOU WEREN'T MY LITTLE BROTHER…YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR THIS!"

He grimaced as he felt her hand moving underneath his shirt. _Cut it out!_ "WELL IF YOU WOULD SHUT UP LONG ENOUGH TO LET ME EXPLAIN…THIS WAS YOU KNOW WHO'S IDEA…MY IDIOT FRIEND WHO CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT WHAT KIND OF BAR HAS WOMEN STRIPPERS AND WHAT KIND HAS MEN!!"

Lucas groaned. "Damn…should have known…_hehe_…just like him! So what am I here for?"

Nathan grimaced more. "Are you done being funny?" _And obtuse?_ His best friend really was starting to wear off on his brother…I mean they had gotten along all night like _THEY_ were best friends…_shoot_…what nightmare friendship had he started tonight…Lucas and Tim…___oh that was scary!_

She started to move her hand higher up his chest… an outburst…both of them yelling at each other and yet stripper woman hadn't even paused in her seduction of him. He glared at his brother and tried to wave her hand away without actually hitting it, though at the moment he really would like to hit the pestering spider like hands she had. "HELP ME LUCAS…I DON'T CARE HOW YOU DO IT…JUST GET HER THE HECK OUT OF HERE!!"

**I****I**

___And now we go back to Nathan's wildly stimulating booty shakin' party…okay…so the guest of honor isn't having much fun. And well…uh…he's about to have…uh…less fun._

**I****I**

Racing wild crazy car games while they munched out on chips and beer and every known type of junk food man had ever created… Movies and now…

Now they were at a club…had the best strip show in town according to him…his best friend…good old Tim. He sighed as his best friend and his brother continued to get along famously…now laughing and grinning as they talked about the movies they had watched earlier. The two looked like they were best buds…like they had been friends since elementary school.

Meanwhile Nathan kept thinking of her…his wife… in some strip club where men took it all off. So what…big deal…it was just looking and not touching…it was just…

Man…what if she got all crazy tonight though…what if Brooke and Peyton didn't listen to his warnings about her drinking too much…what if she put money in some guy's jock strap…

_Oh…no…stop…this is not good._ Think of all the hot women that are going to come out and start stripping here…just think of it…yeah…come on Nate. You're married…but not dead. You can still have fun. She's not the only one who can have some fun…I can too…_oh yeah…bring it on…_

___"And once again…we present here at The Lava Pit…Ladies Wild Volcanic Eruptions…."_

Lucas and Tim hollered and hooted next to him as Nathan felt he seemed to be the only one realizing that the crowd around was not really that much like them…they were kind of…

___Well… ____Uh…_

"Here they come for you ladies…

And they are so ready to ERUPT!"

Oh God…_not again_…he didn't do it again…no one could be that stupid except…

A pair of shorts flew over his way…short boxers that only a…

"TIM!!"

As another piece of clothing went flying off Nathan groaned and covered his eyes, turning to face his bewildered brother.

"What the heck?!"

Nathan glared as Tim turned to both him and Lucas with a sheepish smile. "Oooops!"

"You idiot!"

He had done it…

___Again._

**I****I**

___Lucas…sweet big bro Lucas was at the door? _

___Did you figure that out…yeah high five for those who did…for those who didn't…uh…consolations prize of a thumbs up…ayyyyyy!..._

___Okay back to some semblance of normal in our twisted little fairy tale…how does Nathan get rid of the temptress? What is Lucas's part in it? Find out now…my One Tree Hill Nathan Haley aficionados._

**I****I**

"How…how do you want me to get her out of here?"

Nathan glared at his older brother. He may be older, but boy sometimes he was denser. "_I don't know._ Why don't you get her to _follow_ you…LUCAS?!"

Nathan shook his head and finally did bat her hand away…climbing up his stomach was one thing…reaching his nipple ring was another. "Cut it out! Look…I told you I'm married!"

Lucas moved forward…"Hey…look…"

Suddenly the woman let go of Nathan…pushing him aside.

Damn she was strong for a woman…_uh…she was a woman, right?_ I mean she was kind of big and…well…yeah…she had to be a woman…he saw enough of what a guy looked like tonight…_oh man what a nightmare_…stupid club…once again his best friend had picked the wrong night to watch strippers. What should have been women had ended up being a wild volcanic eruption for lady watchers. He had even found himself trying to see if Haley was there. Thank goodness she hadn't seemed to be. He didn't want his wife watching ___THAT__._

"Oohhhh…how sexy…ahhhhh…sssssooooo smoooooth…"

___What the heck?!_

Nathan broke away from his frantic club thoughts to see why the stripper woman had let go of him…she was now too busy with his older brother…running her hand over his shaved head…then adding another…damn her hands were totally having sex with his brother's head!

___"Ohhhh…you are just…ohhhh what a beautiful scalp…ohhhh it makes me WILD!"_

Nathan watched as Lucas looked at his brother helplessly at first…and then got a kind of goofy smile.

___Yep_…he definitely needed some. If Miss Damn Obvious was getting to him that much…well consider her my little present to you big brother. ___Now get her the HECK out of my apartment!!_

He ran and grabbed her clothes she had discarded. "Here…"

Stripper woman took back her clothes with a look of disdain towards him. "Honey I'm sorry…you seemed so hot at first…but really you just don't have the beautiful hair…the beautiful _lack_ of hair this boy does…but you said you're married so I'm sure you'll be fine."

Yes I will. ___Now leave._

___Hmmmmm_…Lucas still had that dreamy look on his face as she reluctantly took her hands away from his hair and started to put her dress on. _Come on Luke._ She only touched your head…well okay, her hands had sex with your head, but you ain't that desperate…_well…are you?_ "Lucas…uh…Luke…LUKE!"

He watched as his brother finally noticed him. "Ohhhh…yeah…Nate…"

Nathan shook his head with disbelief. Maybe he _was_ that desperate. "Look, she's a stripper for hire…don't forget that…have some fun I guess if that's what you want…but I wouldn't go any further than that…just a fun night. ___And stay away from merry go rounds._"

Nathan saw his brother grimace a little as he brought him back to reality…especially with the mention of merry go rounds. He knew it wasn't a moment his brother was terribly proud of…though Tim had found it hilarious tonight… when a semi-drunk Lucas started opening up with his _NEW_ best friend about his mismatched sexual escapades. Nathan had smirked during it. If that was his worse…___amateur__._

He could give his big brother a run for his money with the premarital sexcapades he had…before meeting Haley…before finding that love and commitment definitely did not mean boredom. Sex was great….but sex with your wife…ahhhh…now that was better than anything imaginable.

Seductive stripper woman rolled her eyes at him…at him…_Nathan Scott?_ Damn, tonight was a crazy night. But oh well…at least she was leaving. He hoped his brother could handle her.

___"Are you ready for me…Lucas Darling?"_

Oh shoot…she was being obvious again. At least it wasn't towards him this time. At least her thigh wasn't rubbing up against his leg.

Nathan watched as Lucas turned to him with a grin before stripper woman grabbed the top of his head and started heading out with him. _Man ____that woman had a thing for heads…well his brother's head anyway._

"Uhhh…oh yeah…later Nate…thanks Little brother…won't forget this."

Nathan shook his head. "Oh yeah…I bet you won't." He opened the door for them and watched them start to go down the steps, but his mouth opened wide at what was coming _up_ the steps.

"Oh SHIT!"

**I****I**

___Okay…we take you back to the party…same-o same-o…our boy bored out of his mind. Me thinking he needs some…Haley!_

**I****I**

"I can't believe you did it again…MALE STRIPPERS TIM!!"

"Ahhh…It was a mistake Nate!"

"Yeah...stop giving him a hard time Nate. Tim didn't know it was going to be ladies night…like the last time…oh man!"

Nathan watched as Lucas started laughing…remembering the Crystal Sparkle debacle…and continued laughing…_laughing?_ Lucas and Tim were laughing again? _Lauging?_ What the heck happened to reality…where they didn't get along?

"Hey I got another club-

"NO!"

Both Lucas and Tim turned to him and Nathan groaned. "Oh come on…wasn't that bad enough? Being humiliated at a bar where there were only women watching the entertainment…I mean didn't you guys even notice that at first…because _I_ did!"

"Hey…I saw some guys when we first got in there…what about you Luke?"

"Yeah…I saw some too…oh man they must have been…oh how freaking weird!!'

"Ha ha!"

"THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

Both Tim and Lucas turned to Nathan with surprise…and then started laughing again.

"Ahhh…he's married now. He don't know how to have fun anymore."

"Yeah…he's getting kind of boring. But you're cool Luke…"

"Thanks!"

"Hey…I know where we can get free drinks!"

Nathan groaned. ___"Where…a public water fountain?"_

Lucas and Tim grimaced in unison at what they thought was a lame joke. Then they turned to each other with a smile. Lucas laughed and slung an arm around Tim's shoulder. Well…let's get going!"

"Yeah man…this place is so cool…and lots of hot babes!"

Nathan just stood in the middle of the street for a minute…before he started to realize they had left him standing there…_alone…abandoned_…his best friend…his brother.

"Wait up!!"

**I****I**

___And now…as Lucas and the stripper woman leave…a surprise appearance by…. _

___Well hey, it's a SURPRISE…you didn't think I was just going to give you the answer…did you?_

**I****I**

Nathan watched his brother stop in amazement at the sight before him…stripper woman still holding onto his head. ___"Hales?"_

"Luke…ohhhh…what arrrrre you doooin' with that?"

___What the heck? Was she slurring? Was his wife slurring?_ Damn it Peyton and Brooke she better not be slurring. "Haley!?"

"OHHHHHH NATHEEEEEY!"

Damn it to hel-_ohhhh_…she was…his wife was…

"Hales…you okay?"

Lukie…Baby…come on."

He shook his head, watching his brother turn into a puddle of mush as stripper woman began to massage his head. Damn Luke when was the last time you…_whoa_…more important things to focus on…like a swaying awkwardly walking wife. ___"Haley?"_

Nathan watched her smile brightly and rush up the stairs. "NAAAAAATHEEEEEEEYYYYY!"

"Whoa Haley…_damn girl_…SLOW DOWN!"

"MYYYY HUBBBBYYYYYY!"

Her rushing form reached him and he was given little warning before her body came full force against his chest…and the floor met his back…with little cushion.

___"MPHHF! AHHHH!"_

"NAAAAAAATHEEEEYYYYEEY!"

Nathan heard some snickers and moved his head up from where it was practically pinned along with his chest by her straddling body…his back to the floor… and saw the snickering younger teens.

___Oh SHUT up._

**I****I**

___Back to bachelor party time…Nathan not in a good mood. Tim and Lucas…in a REEEEEEEEEAAAAALY good moooood! Heeehee! ____But our sweet boy about to face more temptation… _

___OH NO!_

**I****I**

"Yeah Tim Bud…this is the coolest…you really did it this time! Isn't this great Nate!"

Oh yeah. Just peachy. At a club with lots of hot girls, but not a single one was his wife. "Yeah…sure." To top it all off Lucas was calling Tim his buddy and Tim was calling Lucas _THE_ Man…this whole thing was just too weird…and crazy. _Creepy actually._ He used to love doing this kind of insane stuff. Now he just wanted to go home.

He watched his brother and best friend link hands with two bleached blonde girls and start to move over the dance floor with them.

"Hey…mind some company?"

Nathan rolled his eyes upward. "Look…"

"It's just I noticed you sitting here by yourself."

"Yeah…well look…I don't want to be rude or anything…but see…" He gave up trying to talk it out and decided visual evidence was what was needed, flashing his gold ring quietly near the girl's face.

"Oh…so no dancing…why you here?"

Nathan grimaced. Good question. _(____Narrator Note: HI! Okay…so that wasn't really any great temptation, but this is not a dramatic emotionally engaging story anyway…it's a wild fairy tale!__)_

**I****I**

___Okay…another narrator note…after the bar_

**I****I**

"That was the coolest night Tim…wasn't it Nate?"

___Oh yeah…really cool. Oh look…there was his apartment…finally…THEIR apartment…home sweet home never believed more in those words than right now._

Nathan opened up the place and frowned as he saw his wife still wasn't back yet. _Great_…what did they do with her…where did they take her…a strip club most likely…but shouldn't they be back by now…___bring back my Haley!_

"Well Nate, hate to leave you alone…"

___Oh don't worry I'll be fine__._ Goodnight big brother and best friend…let's not do this again any time soon. Okay…so the video games and beer are cool…but the rest…no.

Tim smirked as he left with Luke…_hmmmm_…Nathan thought…he didn't like that smirk…didn't like it at all.

"See ya Nate!"

**I****I**

___And now we go back to present time…uh…well the time after the stripper who just happens to lust for Lucas's hair…uh…woman…left…yeah okay…time for some NH lovin' _

___But first…our sweet Nathan must deal with an…uh…just mildly…DRUNK Haley…oh yeah…this is going to be fun…_

___Our poor baby. _

___Have mercy on him. _

___LOL_

**I****I**

He had good reason not to trust that grin either because about ten minutes later he found a stripper somehow in his apartment. And well now the stripper was with his brother…probably still having sex with his head…while he…was lying underneath his wife…on their carpeted floor…not padded carpeting of course so it hurt like hell…right in front of the door with some stupid snickering brats still watching them. "Get out of here!"

He yelled the words out at them and somehow got out from underneath his wife's almost deadweight body as the brats scrambled away…of course with some ending snickers. "Haley…were you drinking tonight?"

"Heeeehehehehe…uhhhhhh…a lilllll bbbitttt Nattttheeeeeyyy!"

___Uh-huh…more like a keg._ Brooke…Peyton…ohhhhhh…

He moved to the front door and then down to the top two steps. "Hey! I told you not to get her drunk!"

Brooke giggled as Peyton started to turn around the car in the parking lot. ___"Have fun tonight Nate!"_

"Peyton…stop that car…HEY-

He kept yelling, but Peyton had already started to barrel her car out of there…she knew what he was like when he was in a bad mood…when he was feeling protective. He sighed and put his head down on the railing.

But his head immediately came up as a jarring blast of music started to come from…_well_…directly behind him. ___Oh no…no…no…no…_

___"SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE! SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE! SHAKE YOUR BOOTY, SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!"_

"SHAKE MY BOOOOTEYYYY!"

___"OHHHHHHH SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!"_

"WHAT THE HECK…HALEY!!!"

___"EVERYBODY GET ON THE FLOOR…LET'S DANCE!"_

He turned around to the site of his wife shaking her ass wildly to some cranked up…_full volume_…wildly insane…_blasting out of the room_…disco music.

"HALEY WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?"

He quickly closed the front door and looked all over the place for the remote as his wife continued to _shake her groove thing_ while jumping on the couch…in her hand…the remote…she was using it as a microphone as she sang the words to the song in a screaming voice.

___"SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!"_

"HALEY GET DOWN FROM THERE AND GIVE THAT TO ME…HALEY YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KICKED OUT…..GIVE ME THAT THING!"

___"AHHHHHH SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE…SHAKE YOUR BOOTY…DO IT!"_

"AHHHHHHH SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE MY BOOOOOTY SHAKE MY BOOOOOOTY!!!YEAHHHOOOOOOEEEEEE! SHAKEY MY BOOOOOOOTTTTEY!"

_"OH YEAH…SHAKE IT…SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!"_

He watched in horror as she leapt from the couch to a nearby chair…giggling and _still shaking her ass_ as she nearly missed the chair, yet managed to still land…_well…uh_…somewhat on two feet. Shaking his head, Nathan gave up on trying to get the remote…ran over to the sound system and manually turned it off. He let out a tensed breath and then turned to her with exasperation. "_Haley!_ Get off the furniture and give me that remote. Haley!"

"OHHHHH BIGGG BORRRRRING PARRRRTYYYY POOOOOOOPPPER! I CAN SING THOUGH…SHAKE MY BOOOOOTYBBBOOOTYBOOOTY WHEEEEEE!"

She jumped once more and landed flat on her ass. ___"OHHHHHHHOOOWEEEEE!"_

_"HALEY!"_ He ran over to her and watched in horror as she started to crawl upward…her tattoo noticeable, but also…

"Haley…what's that…___what the heck do you have on your ass?_"

She sat up on her knees, slinging her arms around him as he squatted down next to her on the floor. "OHHH Nattttheeey…I tooolld youuuu…it's a tatttooooo…and not on my aaaaasss…above."

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant. I know you have a tattoo above your ass with my number. I was talking about what's _below_ that…the mark I saw when your jeans lowered a little after you fell…you want to tell me what that is?"

She pouted her lips like a little girl. _"____Ohhh…ooooowwwwweeee…"_

Nathan rolled his eyes, grabbed her hands and got her to stand up with him. Then still holding onto her with one hand to keep her upright…_the girl was like a wayward top right now_…he used the other to unbuckle her jeans and lowered them down.

Haley giggled. ___"OHHHHHH Hubbbbyyyy beeeeing kinkyyyyyyy!"_ She moved closer to him and began to kiss his neck sloppily.

Nathan had to admit even a sloppy kiss was _hot_ from her, but his attention to her lips on his neck died as he noticed just what was on her ass…after lowering her lacy bikini underwear a bit too. "_HALEY_…where the heck did you get that bruise from…the one on your ass?!"

___"MmmmmmmBoooooobbooooo!"_

Nathan laughed shortly. "Yeah…_BIG_ Boo boo!" He frowned, pulling her with him to the sofa and getting her to sit down. "Stay here…I'll be right back. Don't touch anything."

___"Mmmmmmm…Natthheeeeyyyy maaaad at meeee?"_

He turned back around to her sad drunken face. Smiling, he walked over to her and lifted her face to his. "_No…I'm not mad…not at you anyway._" His lips found hers…_her_…man she must have drank a lot tonight…_gee baby_…your breath is like a brewery! Well, his lips gave her a short, but sweet loving kiss…then moved over her nose for a tender one. "I'll be right back. I love you."

"OHHHHH I wuvvv youooooottooooo Nattttheeeeeyyyy!"

The minute he got to the kitchen he grabbed the phone…checking to see that she was still sitting on the sofa he had told her to sit in. _Good._ He turned back around towards the kitchen window, speaking when he heard someone answer the phone…the person he wanted to talk to. "Okay, just tell me what the heck she drank tonight because she's raving drunk right now…I trusted you two…not going to trust you again…I swear…"

Peyton cut him off. "Nathan! Honestly she didn't even drink that much. At least not from what we saw. She just…she doesn't hold her liquor that well. Look….sorry…she's just going to have to sleep it off."

"So how did she get the damn mark on her ass, huh Peyton?" He heard her swallow…whisper to someone…probably Brooke… and then laugh shakily.

"Uh…well…honestly that was not us. We couldn't have stopped her if we tried. ___She kind of straddled a pole.__"_

"WHAT?!"

"Look Nate…I gotta go…but she should be fine…just…she just has to sleep it off…and maybe some ice for the bruise. At least the alcohol dims the pain."

Nathan grimaced, saying a short goodbye. Yeah…if she ever did even get sleepy. Right now the girl was just _a little_ hyper. Thanks a lot Peyton and Brooke. Tomorrow, first I kill my best friend…and then I strangle you two. OHhhhhh…

___Ice_…I need ice. She's got a bruise the size of a golf ball on her ass…need ice.

"OHHHH DO A LITTTTLELLLLE DANNNNNCE MAAAAAAAKE A LITTTTLELLE LOOOOOOOVVE…GETTT DOOOWWWNN TOOOOONIGHT DOOOOWNN TOOOONIGHT!"

___"BABY BABY LET'S GET TOGETHER…HONEY YEAH ME AND YOU AND DO THE THINGS WE LIKE TO DO!"_

___Oh great…not again._ Haley!!!!

___"DO A LITTLE DANCE! MAKE A LITTLE LOVE! GET DOWN TONIGHT! GET DOWN TONIGHT! OOOOOHHHHH…HEY!"_

He scrambled to get the ice and a towel and started to run out of the room, but then heard the phone's shrill ring. _Great. Eviction time if he didn't stop this soon._ He picked it up. "Hello…yeah…yeah I know…yes I realize my music is loud…yeah…well if you would just let me get off I will turn it down…yeah….fine…thanks!"

___"GET DOWN GET DOWN GET DOWN TONIGHT BABY!…OHOOOOHHHOOHHHHO"_

___Damn…damn…damn…_ "Haley!!!"

"OOOOOH YEEEEAH I'M GETTTTTING DOOOOOOWNNNNN OOOOOOHHH BAAAABBBBYYYYYY!"

There she was dancing up a storm again…now _just in her underwear and halter top_…acting totally crazy.

___"OOHHHHHHH DO A LITTLE DANCE MAKE A LITTLE LOVE!"_

Nathan put his hand to his forehead in exasperation and pulled his shirt off over his head. Grabbing his wildly dancing…_booty shaking wife_ by the waist, off the coffee table she had just been shaking her ass on…he held her tightly in his arms, took the remote and quickly clicked the button to lower the volume. Then still holding onto his shaking, dancing wife, he put his shirt on over her head, watching it fall to just above her knees. _Oh thank goodness._ At least now she's adequately dressed. He kept his arms around her waist and moved with her to the couch, making her sit down on it with him.

"OHhhh…wannnna daaaaanceee…get down toooooniigttt!"

Nathan grimaced, holding onto her tightly. She wasn't going to like this, but he had no choice. "Yeah yeah…later Haley…for now…"

___"OOOOHHHHHHOOOWWEEEEEEEEE!"_

Nathan maintained his hold on her, keeping an ice packed bag, wrapped in a soft towel, on his wife's ass…her underwear pulled halfway down so he could reach the bruised area.

___"OHHHHHH boooooobbbboooo huuuurt…"_

She moaned with complaint and Nathan smiled gently, wrapping his other arm around her waist…his fingers moving over the shirt he had put on her…his shirt. "_Shhhhhh_…I know…but if we don't do this now you're going to wake up with it even more sore. Trust me…you'll be happy in the morning we put ice on it."

___"Oooooohhhhhh…"_

His lips moved against hers gently…then up to her forehead. She was half straddling him now and if he looked up he could see her pretty face…her hair wildly falling all around it. _OH man_…not only was she going to wake up with a sore ass in the morning, but a splitting headache. She was going to have one bad hangover. "It'll get better." He said referring to her ass…probably better to not remind her now about the morning hangover that would be coming as the drunken effects wore off.

"Ohhhh…mmmmmmmhmmmmmm…"

He watched with a slight laugh her face start to relax, her body come up more against his. ___"ohhhhhbetttterrrr…"_

He laughed more. "Told you. _Now just take it easy._" He kissed her forehead…it felt a bit warm, but not hot. He was going to have to watch her carefully tonight…make sure she kept feeling all right. He didn't think she would get really sick beyond having a hangover, but still. He sat up a little more, bringing her face away from his chest…_damn_…he liked having her face against his chest…her sweet warm body there…but right now he had to think practically. That was what happened when one had bills to pay, a job to think of…practicality became a part of a person's life.

"Hey look…I'm going to go in the kitchen for a minute."

___"Mmmmmmmmmmmm…"_

Her mouth was struggling to nuzzle against his chest. He pulled her up more. "Haley look at me…Haley…"

"Mmmmhmmmm…hubbby goin' to kitchen…_me ____daaaaaaance._"

He lifted his finger to her with firmness. "_NO._ No more dancing…no loud music. The neighbors don't like it." He'd already been warned after the crazy party she had that one night before they got married that got totally out of hand…that if anything like that ever happened again…well he could find a new place to live at. The last thing he needed was to wake up to an eviction notice. "Uh…here…watch TV instead."

She pouted. _"____Nnnnnoooo shake my boooooty?"_

Nathan nearly laughed, but managed to keep it in with a smile that crept up on his face at the childish expression on hers. _"No…no shake your booty. We'll save that for another night."_ Oh yeah…that was going to be a fun little thing to remind her of later. She'd probably scoff at it after she became sober…_hmmm_…should have taken a picture of it. But at the moment he had been more caring of the fact that their music had been loud enough to start shaking the furniture. He removed the ice pack and towel from her ass now. That had probably been enough to help the bruise. Then he got up off the sofa, pushing her back against it gently, and took a blanket and covered her legs with it. "I'll be right back. _No ____music__._"

She grinned. ___"Nnnnnnnnoooo music."____"Good."_

He went into the kitchen…got a glass and put some water in it and then added two plop plop fizz fizz alka seltzer tablets. He walked back into the room to see her sitting awkwardly with her head twisted to the side watching…

___"Ohhhh…….ahhhh…OOOHHHH…YES…YES…OOOOHHHH!"_

Damn it. He reached for the remote and turned it off. Stupid Tim…left one of his DVD's.

___"Haley…"_

"Hoooooowwwwww sheeeeee dooooo thaaaaat…I can doooo thaaaat…come here Nathey and weeee do thaaaaaat."

She started to grab at him and he gently pushed her back against the sofa. "Oh no. We're not doing that. _Might turn us into a permanent pretzel._ Now here…drink…"

"Fizzzzzzzyyyyyyyy!"

"Yeah…yeah…now drink…slowly."

"Mmmmmm…uhhhh…_yuckyyyyyyyy_…ahhhhhh…"

Nathan rolled his eyes at her reaction, but at least she drank a sip of it. "_More Haley_…drink a little more."

"Hmph…porno movieeeee…you saaaayyy you not watch then anymoooooore. You promised meeeee."

He sighed after she finished her sip. He supposed that had to be enough for now. He took the glass and put it on the coffee table. Then he sat down next to her. "First of all it's only bordering on porn and second of all it wasn't my idea. It was all Tim's."

"Who the Hoooooo I saw LUkyyyy with?"

Nathan's eyebrows rose. _HO? Boy you've been spending too much time with Brooke._ "Okay, look, I'll tell you the truth. The truth is crazier than any lie could be anyway…and I don't lie to you. I came out of our room and there she was standing in our living room…some stripper/ slash sex for the desperate woman that Tim arranged for me."

"Ooohhhhhh Baaaaaaadddd Timmmmmm!"

He laughed. "Yeah…so I called Lucas for help…and she fell in lust with his head and I guess she's having sex with it now. I don't know. But that's what happened. Now I want to know what happened to your ass. How the heck did you get that bruise? Peyton said something on the phone about you and a pole."

"Ohhhhhh…well we went to a clubbb."

"Mmmhmmm…" Looked like the drunken effects were starting to wear off a bit. She was starting to speak once again with some semblance of normal.

"Aaaand we seeee these women dancing around it…big pole…and I ran and jumped…but I misssssed…got _booo boooo_."

He smiled gently. "Yeah…okay. _Women?_ So you didn't watch any men strip tonight?"

"Hhmmmmm…ooohhhhyeahhhhh…at first….but then weird women."

___Ha!_ He didn't like how she smiled at the thought of the men she may have seen…but the women thing. Damn, Brooke and Tim really needed to get together. They could just both be so strange sometimes.

He was immediately distracted from his thoughts of their weird friends by his wife's mouth on his chest. He looked down at her as she looked up at him…half straddling him again.

___"OhhhhhhNatheeeeey…I missssss youuuuu tonight."_

He smiled. "Yeah…I missed you too."

"Youuu didn't like stripper women you guys seeeee?"

He heard the annoyance in her voice there even with her still drunkenness. "No…because we didn't see any. Tim goofed once again and it was all guys."

"Ohhhhhhhh…uhhhhhh…baaaaaadddd."

He laughed at her drunken look of disgust. "Yeah…bad Haley. ___Really bad__._"

She giggled suddenly. "OHhhhhh…I know…I dance for you. I do show for my hubbbbbyyyy!"

___Show for him…oh no…_ "No that's okay Haley. Come sit back down on the couch. Haley I told you no more music!"

He watched as she threw the blanket to the floor and started to run for their music system. With an irritated sigh he started to follow her. But she put her hands up.

"Ohhhh…nooo…let me dance. I keep music low…I play more of CD Broookie gave me."

___CD Brooke gave her…oh great…was that where that insane music she was playing earlier came from?_

He shook his head with suspicion. ___"You promise?"_

She giggled and brought his face down to hers, kissing him wildly. "_I pwommmise_…sit…sit."

He watched her carefully, but did as she told him to…sat back down on the couch.

___"THAT'S THE WAY UH HUH UH HUH"_

Haley put the music on…high...until she saw his disapproving look…and then turned it down. Waving her arms wildly around she began to dance…shaking her ass…shaking every little part of her body.

___"I like it uh huh uh uh..."_

Nathan hoped she didn't bump into any furniture at first…found himself worried about her…but when she seemed to have control over her moves, he sat back on the couch and began to enjoy himself. She was still drunk…but returning to a bit of soberness. It made her movements now lazy and…damn…___sexy_.

___"When you take me by the hand tell me I'm your lovin' man…"_

She reached for his shirt and lifted it up over her head…letting it fly over to the kitchen counter…hitting a vase and knocking it over with a crash.

___"I like it uh huh uh huh…"_

Nathan closed his eyes for a second…_great_…when she was sober she wasn't going to be happy about that one. Now she just giggled in reaction. He didn't stay worrying about the vase very long though. She looked incredibly hot right now in just her pink halter top…and her underwear…_ohhhh baby_. This was _his_ kind of strip show…_see Tim and Luke…well actually you can't see and that's damn well the way it should be_…but let me just tell you…contortionist woman and stripper woman have _no_ leverage at all on my baby.

___"When we're all alone…"_

She giggled and spun around…moving closer to him and slowly lifted her halter top over her head with a wicked look on her face…lifting it up high and letting it fly till it landed on his face.

___"When you whisper sweet in my ear"_

Nathan inhaled the scent of her, lifting the halter off his head and bringing his arms out for her. _Enough show_…now he wanted his baby in his arms.

___"When you turn me on"_

She giggled though and spun away from him, shaking her ass a bit for his benefit and then turning back to him.

___"Babe…oh babe…"_

Yeah…_come here baby_…let me kiss you and…come here!

___"Ohhhhh that's t he way uh huh uh huh I like it uh huh I like it…"_

He sat tensely against the couch…a wildness growing in his body as she moved her hands to the back hook of her silky pink bra… Grimacing, he realized suddenly the shades were partially open. He got up on his knees on the couch and hurriedly closed them. _This is my show…no free show for anyone else…just me and my wife._ "Haley…" He groaned. He wanted her near him…not dancing so far away as she stripped.

___"Uh-huh…"_

He groaned even more though as she did now slowly move over to him and straddled his body with her thighs…her breasts covered still by the pink bra…hanging over his face. ___"Oh God baby…"_

Then she slinked down…sliding lower to his chest…her lips moving over it and making him feel even more wild. Her tongue traveling over his nipple ring, forcing him to grasp the back of the couch with a death grip. ___"Haleeeeeeyyyyyy….Mercy Baby!"_

___"Oooohhhhhhh"_

Now _he_ was sounding like the drunk one, but he didn't care as her sweet strawberry candy flavored lips…_ohhhhh he liked that lipstick or whatever she was wearing_…found his lips, and her tongue slipped in and danced inside his mouth. ___"Ohhhhhhh…"_

___"Your lovin"_

Oh he wanted her so badly…he wanted his wife…he wanted…

___"Oh I can't get enough…"_

What was that he was thinking about earlier…_about wild sexual escapades_…well nothing…_NOTHING_ came close to being with her…to loving someone so passionately that every move of their body made you wild…that she turned him on more than any stripper woman ever could.

___"Tell me I'm your lovin' man"_

That was love…that was marriage…

That was ___HIS WIFE_.

___"Give me all your love"_

___"I want you Haley…baby…"_

She giggled. "Ohhhhh meeee toooo…"

He grimaced, remembering she was drunk. _Great._ "Oh but baby you probably don't even know what's happening right now."

She giggled, but her face suddenly took on a look of complete understanding at his words…even though she was still a bit wild…_heck he was wild right now too._ "Oh yeahhhh I'm drunk…but not _so_ drunk I don't know how to make my hubby feeeel good. ___Oh I know what I'm doing__."_

___"When I get to be in your arms…turn me on"_

He laughed…but the laughter died as her bra suddenly landed on his face. He threw it to the floor and brought his hands up to hold her against him…feeling her tongue once again giving him utter ecstasy.

___OhhhhhHaleeeeey…_

___"That's the way"_

He moaned drunkenly.

___"Uh huh"_

Drunk in love with his wife.

___"Uh huh"_

The best kind of drunk there was.

___"I like it"_

He echoed the song's words as their bodies fell onto the couch…hers straddling him…as their remaining clothes fell away to the carpeted floor…as their sweet rhythm began.

___"That's the way uh huh uh I like it uh huh…ohhhhh baaaaaaby!"_

**I****I**

Hours later…_after a wild night on the couch_… equally wild music playing…he laughed.

___"Hmmmm…what?"_

"So who was it you said gave you this CD?"

"Ohhhh…Brooke."

"What's it called?"

___"Guaranteed-to-have-a-wild-night-of-sex-whenever-and-wherever-you-want-it-CD."_

He laughed more and then grinned up at her. "Hmmmm…_interesting name_. Should we try it out again?"

"Oh yeahhhhh…___shake my booty!_"

Hmmmmm…shake her booty indeed.

Heck…he felt like shaking his booty too…

With his baby…

___All… ____Night… ____Long…………_

**I****I**

___The End of Nathan's Fantasy…that came true….oh yeah Baby…sorry gratuitous narrator moment there. _

___And now as all good fairy tales that come true…that wild boys have…_

___Nathan's little fairy tale must come to an end. _

___Before you feel sorry for him though…just remember…he's married to his fairy tale princess…oh yeah baby. _

___And need I say it? _

___They lived happily…__ever wickedly____…after. _

___Now…*~*The End*~*__._

___Of this fairytale…but not of the wildness at the Scott residence. ____Wild crazy boot-y shakin' risky fun lovin' like that never ends……………................_

Narrator note: Comments are more than welcome…but sorry I can't get the fairy godmother to give you your own Nathan…_ohhhhhh_…my apologies!

Music notes: all music by ___**KC and The Sunshine Band**_…went retro here…

Songs:

___**Shake your booty **_

___**Get down tonight **_

___**I like it**_

**IIIII**

___Feedback is adored. Thanks for reading._


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